I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
