Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
