nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
