The maid of honor just puked.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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