So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
