I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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