so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
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