I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
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