FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
