Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
