you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
