No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
