Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
