one might say we're banned from that church
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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