In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
