woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
my vag is so smooth its legendary
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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