i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
