I'm laying in your front yard are you home
True but thats because hes a fetus.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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