grandma shit on top of the toilet
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
