This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
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can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
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And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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