How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
