I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
