He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
