were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
My life is pants optional.
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