i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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