hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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