I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
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Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.