When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet