just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
