Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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