Me too!
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
