Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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