Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
