Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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