Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
vagina is talking i cant
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
