I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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