I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
