If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just found puke in my bra..
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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