I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
