Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
