i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Text me some of your sweat
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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