Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
