Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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