ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
cat food counts as protein by the way
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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