Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
