He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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