So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
