i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
