oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
