I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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