lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
