john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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