I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
