Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
