dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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