Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
