Texts From Last Night

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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.

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  (201): Having kids is risky. They might end up weird. http://tfl.nu/gtfl
  Replies (16) Good night (1216) Bad night (2018)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  @ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu

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  (248): @ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu <3 (1-248): please stop breathing. http://tfl.nu/7uu5
  Replies (36) Good night (765) Bad night (5017)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  People with herpes should wear stickers.

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  (281): People with herpes should wear stickers. http://tfl.nu/8ji1
  Replies (50) Good night (944) Bad night (3596)
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  (905): View more from Toronto

  he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"

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  (905): he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine" http://tfl.nu/dcrf
  Replies (23) Good night (1547) Bad night (4447)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.

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  (301): The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me. http://tfl.nu/hdf0
  Replies (56) Good night (661) Bad night (5635)
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.

  (1-662): View more from Mississippi

  I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.

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  (662): Stop introducing me to people as your little sister. (1-662): I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother. http://tfl.nu/5xkr
  Replies (31) Good night (7964) Bad night (1576)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  he asked me to smell his eyeballs.

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  (319): he asked me to smell his eyeballs. http://tfl.nu/b2rr
  Replies (20) Good night (1016) Bad night (5100)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.

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  (207): You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee. http://tfl.nu/mtea
  Replies (46) Good night (2501) Bad night (4710)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.

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  (319): I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer. http://tfl.nu/5cv0
  Replies (2) Good night (2188) Bad night (800)
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  (361): View more from Texas

  I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.

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  (361): I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots. http://tfl.nu/podd
  Replies (8) Good night (2139) Bad night (968)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.

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  (412): You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it. http://tfl.nu/867s
  Replies (3) Good night (1766) Bad night (828)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people

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  (850): the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people http://tfl.nu/zcj8
  Replies (3) Good night (1604) Bad night (780)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around

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  (407): Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around http://tfl.nu/jysb
  Replies (5) Good night (890) Bad night (1376)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.

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  (720): We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that. http://tfl.nu/jp9a
  Replies (5) Good night (1119) Bad night (425)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's

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  (614): Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's http://tfl.nu/o9z1
  Replies (1) Good night (291) Bad night (496)

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