I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome