Texts From Last Night

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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.

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  (612): I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out. http://tfl.nu/dz9m
  Replies (16) Good night (4731) Bad night (631)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5

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  (352): I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5 http://tfl.nu/tk6f
  Replies (51) Good night (5808) Bad night (876)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?

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  (267): Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet? http://tfl.nu/aedp
  Replies (24) Good night (4909) Bad night (1407)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?

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  (608): This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form? http://tfl.nu/l7lr
  Replies (108) Good night (1514) Bad night (4920)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".

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  (201): A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead". http://tfl.nu/bwjk
  Replies (10) Good night (5920) Bad night (1186)
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  (619): View more from California

  woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.

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  (619): woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word. http://tfl.nu/lmgd
  Replies (20) Good night (5937) Bad night (1382)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.

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  (618): No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense. http://tfl.nu/myox
  Replies (3) Good night (2889) Bad night (865)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life

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  (443): She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life http://tfl.nu/dd6j
  Replies (16) Good night (4837) Bad night (971)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.

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  (704): And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun. http://tfl.nu/h28t
  Replies (5) Good night (1054) Bad night (3924)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'

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  (305): New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made' http://tfl.nu/jx5j
  Replies (1) Good night (1059) Bad night (740)
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  (607): View more from New York

  I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now

  (315): View more from New York

  I see you're taking unemployment seriously.

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  (607): I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now (315): I see you're taking unemployment seriously. http://tfl.nu/5xru
  Replies (3) Good night (2289) Bad night (707)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!

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  (504): My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving! http://tfl.nu/frqw
  Replies (1) Good night (1069) Bad night (383)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol

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  (617): I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol http://tfl.nu/guix
  Replies (3) Good night (929) Bad night (377)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking

  (1-802): View more from Vermont

  Omg so it's educational?

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  (802): There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking (1-802): Omg so it's educational? http://tfl.nu/zo1h
  Replies (2) Good night (771) Bad night (345)
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree

  (1-719): View more from Colorado

  it happenes

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  (719): I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree (1-719): it happenes http://tfl.nu/m4ky
  Replies (1) Good night (984) Bad night (335)

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