i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
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You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
There's always time for handjobs
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Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches