You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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