You made me cry and you don't even care
You're my little dorito
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Randomize
