just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
