Texts From Last Night

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  (845): View more from New York

  Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo

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  (845): Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo http://tfl.nu/oxyw
  Replies (8) Good night (1214) Bad night (677)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.

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  (410): So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it. http://tfl.nu/iplm
  Replies (41) Good night (3720) Bad night (1190)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them

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  (630): Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them http://tfl.nu/urf6
  Replies (55) Good night (3774) Bad night (540)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth

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  (314): eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth http://tfl.nu/8d45
  Replies (26) Good night (1007) Bad night (4710)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.

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  (239): My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God. http://tfl.nu/tpwi
  Replies (13) Good night (1473) Bad night (4451)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.

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  (601): I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished. http://tfl.nu/ezge
  Replies (33) Good night (5535) Bad night (2438)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick

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  (519): I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick http://tfl.nu/bx5i
  Replies (18) Good night (1947) Bad night (5573)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.

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  (303): I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM. http://tfl.nu/5j68
  Replies (19) Good night (5033) Bad night (1110)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...

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  (630): Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know... http://tfl.nu/4kg9
  Replies (7) Good night (1442) Bad night (1942)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.

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  (937): Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast. http://tfl.nu/uerp
  Replies (7) Good night (1419) Bad night (670)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.

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  (802): Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too. http://tfl.nu/k5c7
  Replies (3) Good night (694) Bad night (893)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.

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  (715): I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great. http://tfl.nu/f48j
  Replies (9) Good night (1283) Bad night (510)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.

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  (330): STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me. http://tfl.nu/p90g
  Replies (2) Good night (277) Bad night (634)
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN

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  (321): In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN http://tfl.nu/dhlf
  Replies (1) Good night (573) Bad night (378)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Literally.

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  (312): I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth. (312): Literally. http://tfl.nu/rigg
  Replies (4) Good night (755) Bad night (311)

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