omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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