I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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