Betty ford says i'm here all night
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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