dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
