She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
