How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize