Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
