Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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