Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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