Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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